LEAKED: Trump Lawyer Flees Country to Become Monk

Trump and his Lawyer Kasowitz

During his trip abroad this past week, President Trump announced that he had hired a private lawyer, Marc Kasowitz, to represent him amid talks of impeachment. Today, however, it seems that Mr. Kasowitz had a sudden change of heart after taking one look at Trump’s personal financial documents — Instead of defending Trump, he chose to flee the country to become a Buddhist monk!

According to officials at Trump Tower in Manhattan, New York, Kasowitz briefly stopped by Friday morning to drop off a letter in a sealed envelope, which read: “For Donald J. Trump”

However, in keeping with security protocols at the President’s Manhattan tower, the letter was opened and screened to ensure the president’s safety.  The letter, which was later leaked to the media, was a detailed “goodbye” note to the President from his would-be defense lawyer.

NewsWerthy has obtained a copy of the full letter below: 

“Dear Mr. Trump,

After standing loyally by your side for many years, I regret to inform you that I can no longer bring myself to represent you as a lawyer any further.  I apologize for the inconvenience that this will surely cause, which will hopefully be minimal since you are the only person who will know my whereabouts by tomorrow.

Before you left for your trip, you gave my staff an enormous amount of your financial documentation to study, so that we could be prepared for any potential legal defense.  I must say that I am shocked, and lost for words for I have seen in these documents.  I assumed that you had been honest with me all these years, but this is too much to bear.

After getting through about 25% of what you provided, it became clear to me that I could not bring myself to defend you any further, as you are — in a word — indefensible.  However, once I continued, I hit a point where I had to completely rethink my outlook on life.

I just began to feel dirty — emotionally, and morally unclean for having been willing to defend you and your family’s dealings.  An overwhelming feeling of shame took me over, and I could not continue.

After reflecting on this dilemma for two days, I have made the decision to no longer pursue a career in law.  While lucrative, I must step away from my role as the person standing between the law, and those who choose to take advantage of people for capital gain.

By the time you read this, I will have left the country.  I have decided to abandon all of my material assets to move to a Buddhist monastery in Tibet.  Hopefully they will accept my genuine plea for help.  Only there will I ever have the chance to clear my mind of the selfish, egocentric world I left behind in New York, and perhaps become enlightened.

With that said, I must end this with a sincere “thank you” for leading me, albeit unknowingly, to what will surely be my path to inner peace, and hopefully penance for what I have allowed myself to take part in.

Rest assured, I have completely refunded all of the retainer fees you were charged, which you will receive via wire-transfer.

As for the rest of my wealth, which I have gained mostly from being your attorney, I have completely liquidated them, and kept only what I will need for my journey.  The rest of my money has been donated to a noble charity called, “People for an Ethical White House.”

Please let this letter be between you and me.  I hope you also find peace one day.

Marc Kasowitz
No Longer a Lawyer

P.S.  I was delighted to see you finally took my advice, and just bought the spray-tan company entirely.  Good move! “

Luckily for the President, Mr. Kasowitz did not actually reveal any details about the documents themselves.  Rather, he just relayed the life-changing sense of shock he experience after perusing them with his staff.  Hopefully, the world will one day know what exactly the lawyer saw that was so troubling.  Until then, we just need to take solace in the fact that the President’s actions are leading the nation to inner-peace and enlightenment, one lawyer at a time.

The White House has yet to comment on this leaked note.

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