Manafort Files Complaint with Jail Customer Service

manafort jail

Since Paul Manafort was arrested for witness tampering, he has been remanded to rural Virginia jail where he is pending trial for numerous felony charges.  Despite recent reports that Manafort has been treated like a “VIP,” NewsWerthy has received a copy of a formal complaint he filed with the Northern Neck Regional Jail’s Customer Relations department regarding several grievances about his stay.

A copy of the complaint can be read below:

Dear Inept Management,

As you most certainly already know, given my esteemed status here, I have been one of your guests for quite a while now.  I must say that the accommodations here are nothing short of shoddy and unsatisfactory.

First, I must tell you that your entire concierge staff have a very abrasive and unbecoming attitude.  Whenever they speak to me, I don’t get so much as a “sir” or “mister.”  Instead, they address me by some number like I’m a product to be tracked.  And for God’s sake, why are they not dressed like proper man servants? Not only do none of them have a tie, but they’re dressed in putrid greenish tan khakis like a bunch of savages.

Furthermore, while I do appreciate the fact that I have been given my own clothes to wear, unlike the other undignified peasants you’ve booked rooms for, I must say that your bath robes are substandard.  I would expect even the most distasteful of cretins would have supplied their guests with nothing less than 100% Malaysian cotton microfiber.  This terry cloth is beginning to chafe my shoulders.

Needless to say, I am beyond upset at the substandard living conditions in this establishment, and I demand answers.  I tried politely asking my assigned concierge several times, and my complaints were ignored.  Then, I attempted voicing my grievances more forcefully to a different employee, and he YELLED at me!  He threatened me! He told me that if I did not return to my bedchamber, he would throw me to the floor and drag me into a dark padded closet!

I hope you know, I will NOT be recommending this jail to anyone I know.  And believe me when I say I know a LOT of people who could have been your customers!

I demand you explain to me what you plan on doing to make amends for my ghastly experience.

Sincerely,

Paul Manafort, Esq.

The Northern neck Regional Jail has not responded to a request for comment, other than to say that Manafort will soon be transferred to another facility in Northern Virginia.

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