Allied heads of state met in Brussels, Belgium today to discuss important topics at the annual NATO summit. Western nations were shocked as President Trump lashed out at German Chancellor Angela Merkel, accusing her country of being ‘beholden’ to Russia. Despite the colossal, glaring irony of this statement, a German government spokesperson has reassured the world that Trump was just ‘cranky’ because he expected a breakfast in Belgium to have waffles.
Shortly after attacking Chancellor Merkel, Trump slumped back in his seat frustrated, “I mean, this is just ridiculous. I didn’t fly like 10,000 miles all the way to Belgium so I could not have any waffles! That’s right Europe, MILES! In America we measure distance the right way!”
French President Emmanuel Macron quickly tried to quell the situation by leaning to the breakfast hosts and asking if there would be a way to prepare some waffles for the American President.
“No, no! It’s fine.” Trump interjected, “I would hate to make the Belgian government have to spend one extra cent on this, when they’re already contributing so little to NATO defense. I mean, fruit? Who eats fruit for breakfast? In America, we eat bacon and eggs. I just expected Belgium to have pride in their own breakfast foods.”
Belgian Prime Minister Charles Michel responded, “Actually Mr. President, that is a common American misconception. Waffles aren’t normally eaten as a breakfast food here in Brussels. This fruit, these pastries, and this ham — this is truly Belgian culture.”
“Wrong!” Trump blasted, “I’ve been around for 72 years, okay? Nobody knows Belgian waffles better than me.”
Chancellor Merkel put a stop to the bizarre exchange, “Gentlemen! We are the leaders of the most powerful alliance in the world. Surely we have more pressing matters to be concerned with than the status of our waffle-supply.”
That appeared to shut Donald Trump down, but not before he muttered under his breath, “Pshh, what do you know? You can’t even pronounce ‘Angela’ right.”
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