Pence Found Alive After Hiding Under Bed for 6 Days

Vice President Pence

The White House Communications Director held a press conference Monday to announce that they have located Vice-President Mike Pence, and said that he is alive and in good health after being found hiding under his own bed for 6 days.  This announcement was made directly after the conclusion of a widespread, multi-agency search which was conducted in absolute secrecy.

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Prior to this morning, Pence was last seen when he gave a shaky and awkward plea to the Senate to make a complete repeal of Obamacare, stating “… because Mr. President would be a lot happier if you did.”

After he left the Senate floor, he told his reporters that he needed to go home and “strategize” in his room.  According to Karen Pence, the Vice President’s wife, “I thought something might be wrong when Mike didn’t come to bed for the fourth day in a row.  That just wasn’t like him.  So, I told the Secret Service I was worried.”

Secret Service Director Randolph Alles stated, “We teamed up with the FBI, NSA, and Washintong D.C. Metro Police to look for Vice President Pence.  I suppose it did not occur to us to check in the Vice President’s own bedroom.”

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When asked why Pence went into hiding, Alles said, “Well, it’s probably best we respect his privacy, but I think he’s just under a lot of pressure right now.  I mean, he’s next in line for the presidency, and I think he’s just coming to terms with the reality that his number could be called.  Just put yourself in his shoes.  Nobody who accepts the Vice President position actually expects to have to do anything.  He should snap out of it in no time.”

The White House doctor concluded press conference by reassuring the American people, “Vice President Pence is in good health.  He’s just a bit dehydrated, but we believe that the half-eaten, 8 pound bag of gummy worms found next to him kept him sufficiently nourished during his disappearance.”

The Office of the Vice President has not responded to any requests for comment.

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