Senate Drafts Genius Bill to Keep Trump Off Twitter

It turns out that drafting a new revised healthcare bill was not the only thing Senate Republicans have been doing in secrecy.  Senator John McCain briefly spoke with the press Wednesday morning to explain how they’re going to limit Trump’s Twitter activity.

When asked by reporters about the secret healthcare bill, McCain responded, “Well, I know there’s been a lot of frustration over our tight lips, but you have to understand that secrecy is sometimes necessary.  We’re also working on a new bill which we’re sure will have overwhelming bipartisan support.”

The reporter asked, “What is the bill?”

“Well,” explained McCain, “We’re calling it ‘The MAGA Act,’ but that’s just to get the President to sign it.  We know he doesn’t read anything other than titles and headlines.  Without going into too much detail, the bill is to limit the President’s use of Twitter to only official business during regular working hours.”

The reporter then asked, “You mean there’s not already a policy which says that?”

McCain laughed heavily, “Are you kidding?  I mean, seriously?  Does it look like there’s a policy on that?  No, there isn’t.  It’s just been kind of implied up until this presidency.  It’s never been something anyone needed explained to them. But, you know what they say — for every stupid law, there’s someone who caused it to be needed.  We think the President will be able to focus a little better on, well, everything, if he just puts Twitter down for a bit.”

To clarify, the reporter asked, “How does the bill ensure the president will comply?”

McCain responded, “That part is easy!  Twitter has agreed to develop a new app specifically for his phone which makes it appear their service changed and will only be available Monday thru Friday, 8-5.  Also, it will only accept tweets from the official POTUS account.  Any tweets from his personal account will seem like they’ve been posted, but in reality, he’s the only one who will see them.  They have an algorithm which will generate fake likes and comments to make it seem legitimate.”

The reporter, puzzled, said, “Wow.  That’s.  Um.  Kind of genius.”

McCain winked and said, “Yeah, we still have some tricks up our sleeves.  We’ll get through this presidency one way or another.”

It seems that President Trump has, albeit unknowingly, inspired some bipartisanship in Congress after all.  Before departing McCain said that he expects this bill to pass both chambers with overwhelming support from both parties.

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