President Trump announced this morning that he has appointed embattled former sitcom actress Roseanne Barr as his new “diversity advisor.”
In an impromptu announcement to the press this morning, President Trump explained his pick.
“Well, I’ve been considering her for this position for a few weeks now.” Trump explained, “I knew I needed someone who shared my values, and was loyal to me. Roseanne is very loyal to me, and she knows diversity. I mean, she had a black grandchild in the ‘Roseanne’ show reboot, and I think that says a lot about her on a personal level”
A reporter followed up, “What will be her duties as the diversity advisor?”
“No.” Trump said.
The reporter answered, puzzled, “That wasn’t really … Maybe you didn’t understand my question, Mr. President. What would her duties be?”
Trump snapped back, “That’s what is wrong with all of you fake news reporters. You always want to twist my words around.”
“Are you avoiding this question, Mr. President?” the reporter asked.
Trump was caught off guard, “Of course not. No, umm. The duties of the diversity advisor are, umm. They very tremendous, folks. Believe me. And I know Roseanne will be a loyal staff member. Nobody knows diversity better than me, and — trust me — Roseanne will do great things advising me. Diverse…ly.”
The reporter pressed again, “You still haven’t really answered the question Mr. President. What exactly will be her role in the White House.”
Trump quickly wrapped up the interview by saying, “You’ll just have to see.”
While nobody is quite sure what a diversity advisor’s role would be to the President, nor whether the philosophy of listening to advisors even applies to this president, Trump seems to be confident in this new pick. However, the overwhelming consensus is that Roseanne Barr’s name likely has no business being anywhere near the word “diversity” unless it is then followed by “training.”