BREAKING: Trump Appoints Himself as FBI Director

Trump Annouces Himself as FBI Director

Following the highly public termination of former FBI Director James Comey, the Trump administration has been working tirelessly to find a replacement to head the nation’s largest federal law enforcement agency.  Reports have surfaced showing that the administration has compiled a list of potential candidates, such as former Senator Joe Lieberman, acting Director Andrew McCabe, and even Trump’s own son-in-law Jared Kushner.  Today, the president has officially announced his decision for Director.

In an unprecedented move, President Donald Trump has appointed himself to head the bureau as the nation’s newest FBI Director.  A full transcript of President/Director Trump’s announcement/acceptance speech from the Rose Garden Wednesday morning, can be found below:

Full Transcript:

“My fellow Americans.  As your President, and overwhelming winner of the 2016 election against crooked-Hillary Clinton, it has been my duty to search the nation to find the greatest candidate for FBI Director the world has ever seen.  I mean, it can’t be too hard to find someone better than disloyal-Jim, right? So disloyal. So disloyal.  I directed my staff to compile a list of the most competent, honest, and loyal people in the country to fill this position, and I have to say, you know, they really tried hard. They tried.

But, as I was going through the list, my gut just didn’t feel right.  And everyone knows I have the best gut.  I know things, okay?  I said to myself, ‘Who would be the best candidate for FBI Director?’ — Then it hit me. Candidate! Who is the greatest candidate in the world?  Me! Of course it’s me!  I swept the election last November with overwhelming numbers.  Except maybe for California, you know?  I mean everyone knows California is just swarming illegals.  But, we’re gonna build a wall, ladies and gentlemen. We are.  A beautiful wall.  Or fence.  Believe me.  California will thank me for it, too.  You’ll see.  You know, right now, they’re not even California.  They’re like Little Mexico, I like to call ’em.  I call ’em Little Mexico.

And just like I’m going to build a great wall –We’ll call it that, too.  The Great Wall of America.  That’s a good American name —

Just like I’m going to build the Great Wall of America, I’m going to build a great FBI.  It’s the same thing, really.  It’s easy stuff.  Nobody knows the FBI better than me.

Just like with our borders, as FBI Director, I pledge to you that I am going to build a WALL between the law enforcement, and the White House.  People, I have a country to run.  But the unfair, and biased media just want to get in the way with LIES about me working with Russia to win the election.  And the media just eats it up.  They love it.  They love it.  The failing-New York Times, like so many others, won’t shut up about it.  I mean, come on people!  I have not colluded with Russia.  I have no dealings with Russia.  I sold a Russian guy a house one time, but I’m serious.  I don’t even know where Russia is on the map.  Can’t even point to it.

But those days are over now.  I promise you, that as the new, great, FBI Director, there will be no more investigations against the Office of the President.  My legal team tells me that I should complete the Russia investigation, which I will.  I will get to the bottom of these lies, and I will provide a full report to the American people EXONERATING me from all wrong doing.  I mean, who would be a better candidate for this investigation? Who would be a better candidate than the most talented, and greatest candidate of — I’d say — of all time?  I’ll provide the best report on what happened.  Come on.  I was THERE during the campaign. So, there can’t be a better person to investigate these lies.  Can’t be.  You’ll see.  Believe me.

So, today I would like to officially announce that I, President Donald J. Trump, do hereby appoint myself, Donald J. Trump, to the position of FBI Director, effective immediately.  And to the media?  You have the right to remain silent.

Thank you all.  God bless the millions who showed up for my inauguration. God bless most of the people of the United States.  And God Bless America.”

So, there you have it.  President/Director Donald Trump will be leading the Federal Bureau of Investigations.  NewsWerthy will be watching the President/Director’s actions very closely in the coming days as he leads what is sure to be a fair, impartial, and thorough investigation into the President’s dealings with Russia during the 2016 campaign.

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