President Trump announced this morning that he intends to issue an Executive Order directing the Department of Interior to build a full body statue of Vladimir Putin to be permanently displayed in Washington D.C.
In a short break from his regular weekend golf excursion, President Trump took a moment to announce this plan to reporters.
“Good morning,” Trump began, “This coming week, I will be issuing an Executive Order to the Department of Interior, directing them to build a new wonderful statue of President Vladimir Putin in our nation’s capital, Washington D.C. I really think it would be a great addition to an already beautiful historical site.”
Reporters began scribbling furiously on their notepads. One reporter shouted, “Why would you ever make a monument for Putin, Mr. President?”
Trump smirked before answering, “There it is. Hostility from the Fake News Enemy Media. Why would I build a statue of Putin? Don’t you mean, why WOULDN’T I build a statue for him? Washington D.C. should be a place that displays power, and leadership. Vlad is the most powerful leader I have ever had the privilege of being close friends with. I am going to make sure this is built before he comes to visit in the fall.”
“Did you just say that you’re close friends with Vladimir Putin?” another reporter asked.
“Of course!” Trump snapped back, “We have a very close friendship. We have for many years — I mean months. Friends buy each other things. That’s what friendship is all about! Frankly, after he was generous enough to give me this soccer ball, I felt really really badly that I didn’t have a gift for him. So, now I need to make up for it.”
Trump held up the soccer ball gifted to him by Putin. A faint and muffled beeping sound could be heard from inside of it.
CNN’s Jim Acosta chimed in, “Mr. President, I just want to clarify. You’re having a statue of arguably America’s worst enemy erected in America’s capital, because you feel bad that he gave you a soccer ball in Finland?”
“Shut up, Fake Jim! I don’t like your face.” Trump responded.
Acosta pressed harder, “Mr. President, if you could please just act like an adult for one minute and answer my question.”
President Trump then pointed at a Fox News reporter for their question.
“Good morning Mr. President!” The Fox News reporter began, “This is a brave act of diplomacy! Once again, you are displaying another example of your impeccable judgment as the leader of our country. I believe that Putin will be pleased that you are giving him this gift on behalf of the American people.”
Trump smiled and gave a thumbs up, “Thank you. You see, Fake Jim? That’s a real reporter. It’s called journalism, Jim! Learn it! That’s all for today, folks. I am pushing it on my tee-time.”
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