Trump Brags, ‘I’ll Pardon Myself if I Need To’

Media is currently buzzing about the highly anticipated congressional testimony of former FBI Director James Comey Thursday at 7AM EDT.  There has been exhaustive speculation as to whether Comey will reveal any bombshell incriminating information against President Donald Trump, or his associates.  While it seems very unlikely that this testimony will be a positive thing for the President, he insists that he is not shaken by it because he has the ultimate defense in his back pocket — The Presidential Pardon.

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In an interview early Wednesday morning with Washington D.C.’s David Sinclair, the President seemed very comfortable about the coming events stating, “Look, I really don’t care what this nutcase has to say about me.  None of it matters. One way or the other, it’s just a big waste of time.”

Sinclair responded, “So, you’re very confident this investigation will show you did nothing wrong?”

“No, that’s not what I said.  I said it’s a waste of time.” Trump replied, “It doesn’t matter if they try to charge me with anything or not.  You irresponsible media folks seem to forget one small thing here.  I won! I’m the President. I have this little thing called a ‘pen,’ which can be very powerful you know.  Sometimes I sign orders with it.  Sometimes those orders are pardons.”

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Shocked, Sinclair asked, “Are you implying you will pardon your staff if anyone is charged in this investigation?”

Trump replied, “Maybe I will have to pardon my staff.  We will see. Maybe I’ll pardon myself if I need to.  You remember when I was campaigning and I said I could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and get away with it?  Well, now it’s even more true! It’s like I’ve got one of those little ‘get out of jail free’ cards you get in that board game.  I don’t know when you guys are going to get it through your head.  I’m the President.  Leader.  The buck stops with me!  That’s what the American people voted for.”

After this statement, Trump laughed and joked, “I could issue a pardon on Twitter.  Boy, that would just get you guys going, wouldn’t it?”

Sinclair, irritated by this point, asked “Don’t you think you’re being a bit flippant about a very serious issue?  Do you imagine your voters would see the humor you clearly see in this?”

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Trump responded, “I’m not sure what that word means, but I don’t really care if anyone sees the humor. This investigation is the biggest joke of all.  I can pardon anyone including myself. That’s just a fact of life.  It’s one of the powers of the President.  If I wasn’t already so rich, I’d just do a bunch of insider trading and pardon myself afterward.  Boy that would make someone really rich.  I wonder why nobody’s ever done that.  See, I’m a smart guy.  Barack never thought of any of this.  That’s why I’m the billionaire and he isn’t.”

Trump concluded the interview shortly after this, citing an important tee-time with a North Asian foreign policy consultant.

While this is technically possible, it’s unclear whether the President knows that pardons only applies to criminal charges, and not congressional Impeachment accusations.  In any case, it seems that he has reached a point of delusion about the limits of the power of the President of the United States.  The shock value of the comments made in this interview almost overshadow the fact that the entire discussion is an implicit admission by President Trump that he has, in fact, committed a crime.  He simply isn’t worried because he can pardon himself in the end.

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