Trump Demands to be Knighted by Queen Elizabeth

Trump And Queen

It seems clear that Donald Trump cannot go a single day overseas without humiliating the whole of the American People.  During his visit to The Windsor Castle to meet with Queen Elizabeth today, Trump infuriated the Queen and every member of her Royal staff by demanding to be given knighthood.

A reporter in attendance was able to record the events as they unfolded.

As Trump and his entourage walked through the mystifying halls of The Windsor Castle to meet the Queen, the Royal staff were briefing the President on the schedule of events to occur.  A captain in the Queen’s Royal Guard reached the end of the briefing and asked President Trump if he had any questions about what would be happening.

“That’s it?  What about the knighting ceremony?” Trump asked, puzzled.

The Royal Guard paused briefly, “Mr. President, I’m afraid we don’t have a knighthood ceremony scheduled today.”

“Wait, you mean I came all this way across the ocean to meet the Queen, and I’m not even getting knighted?” Trump shouted, echoing through the hall.

“Mr. President,” the guard replied, “that is not something that can be done, and it’s certainly not something one would be audacious enough to ask for.”

Trump stopped and stared the captain in the eye, “Do I look like I am asking?  I’m the President of the United States!  You know, the United States?! Ring any bells?  We kicked your ass about five hundred years ago!”

The guard, again with pause informed Trump, “Sir, forgive me, but knighthood is a sacred British tradition reserved only for British citizens.  The fact that you’re the President of the United States precludes you from eligibility.  And I feel you should also know — the ‘ass kicking’ you’re referring to was your country’s Revolutionary War.  If arithmetic serves me, that was only 242 years ago.”

“Don’t lecture me on U.S. history, okay?” Trump yelled, “I MAKE U.S. History.  I don’t even know why I came here if I wasn’t going to be knighted.  I should have just had her fly down to stay at Mar-a-Lago so I could play some golf while she bored me to death talking about tea.”

Finally, the guard had enough of Trump’s disrespect and ended the briefing, “President Trump! If you’re quite finished, my job was simply to brief you! You seem to be aware of the events awaiting you, which quite decidedly do NOT involve you being knighted! So, I must be on my way.  The Queen awaits you.”

The guard captain reportedly made formal complaints to his command, which were quickly routed through diplomatic channels to the Queen and Prime Minister Theresa May.  Neither the Queen’s staff, nor the staff of the Prime Minister have responded to requests for comment.

Leave a Comment!