MOSCOW, RUSSIA — In a shocking development from the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin has called a 36 hour ceasefire, temporarily halting hostilities in the conflict.
In a press conference this evening, Putin stated, “This is the Christmas season in Russia, and I am feeling generous. There is no reason to be brutal to these soldiers. The Ukrainian troops are still human beings, and we understand that our military operation has put them under a great deal of stress.”
Putin further detailed that this ceasefire is intended to be an act of compassion to Ukrainian troops, “I know they must be exhausted. I have killed countless people, and I understand the physical and mental toll it takes on you. I’ve been running the numbers, and they’ve really done quite a lot of killing in a short amount of time.”
Seemingly admitting massive losses, Putin ended by saying, “Consider this a gift from the Russian people, who are mourning this holiday season due to the hard work of these soldiers. I truly hope the Ukrainian military takes this time to recharge their batteries, and spend some quality time with their families before they get back to this work that they’re so unexpectedly good at.”
We reached out to Ukrainian President Zelensky’s office for comment, to which they provided the following statement:
This is a message for Vladimir Putin: The Ukrainian people appreciate this gesture from the Kremlin, and we completely encourage you to cease hostilities for as long as you wish. In return, we promise to take this time to make you a series of … gifts … which we will be sending directly to all Russian-occupied regions of the Ukraine for your military to enjoy. Over the past year, we have become quite good as fast-delivery, so shipping should come very quickly.”