Putin Calls Ceasefire, Showing Compassion for Ukrainian Troops Exhausted from Slaughtering Russian Military
“I know they must be exhausted. I have killed countless people, and I understand the physical and mental toll it takes on you. I’ve been running the numbers, and they’ve…
Lindsey Graham Still Fooling Nobody as He Opposes Respect for Marriage Act
Collins paused awkwardly and turned toward Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC) for a moment, who was busy on his iPhone choosing the perfect filter for his Instagram selfie. After…
NASA Furious as Dave Chappelle Invites Elon Musk on Stage, Creating Black Hole Made of Pure Cancel Culture
HOUSTON, TX — Scientists at NASA are furious at comedian Dave Chappelle after what they described as a “Close call for humanity” on Sunday. NASA Administrator Bill Nelson explained, “We…
TRANSCRIPT: Biden calls Eminem for Help with Writing Elon Musk Diss Track after Hunter Biden ‘Twittergate’ Fallout
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an event dubbed Twittergate, Elon Musk released shocking internal documents detailing how Biden’s 2020 campaign team, along with the DNC, worked with Twitter to silence circulation…
Vladimir Putin Delivers Shocking Blow to Satire Community by Actually Shitting His Pants
Several reports are coming from Russian news outlet alleging that Vladimir Putin, who is reportedly suffering from bowel cancer (Go cancer!), has fallen down the stairs at his home and…
New Casey Anthony Film Nominated for ‘Best Picture’ by O.J. Simpson
Casey Anthony achieved global fame in 2008 when she "definitely did not" murder her two year-old daughter Caylee, bind her in duct tape, and leave her body in the woods…
Woke Americans Boycott ‘Racist’ Black Friday by Pretending to Care About Soccer
Millions of Americans are taking a stand against the culturally insensitive shopping day dubbed 'Black' Friday. While clamoring to find a more ethnically inclusive activity for the day, they discovered…
Lauren Boebert Tweets Support for Club Q Victims; FBI Seeking Hacker Responsible
FBI Director Christopher Wray confirmed that their Cyber Crimes Division is currently investigating every possible lead to identify and bring to justice the hacker responsible for this incident.